Recently I encountered a parenting challenge that I’d not negotiated before. With little idea how to tackle it, I put it ‘out there’ – and was surprised by the responses I gained. Not only were friends empathetic and supportive, but I discovered that many of them had previously negotiated similar circumstances.
And the advice?
Wise, well considered suggestions were offered with mind to achieving a positive outcome. Not ‘let’s wallow with you and eat worms’, but genuine advice that provided some effective strategies that could be directly applied to the situation. And the outcome was a significant step in the right direction!
Okay, so this wasn’t a deep dark secret, but it did get me thinking about human reactions, collectively, to personal challenges. How frequently do we feel like we’re the only ones grappling with a particular issue? How often has frustration, shame or embarrassment kept us from sharing our battles with a trusted confidant or even seeking professional help?
If we adults feel like this at times, how much more must our children struggle to find a communication medium through which they can articulate and make sense of complex social issues or personal struggles?
Such reflections brought to light some interesting points. I thought I’d share these with you:
Only Me: The misconception that ‘it’s just me’ only serves to isolate us and enable our personal battles power over us. Our world can become defined by these challenges, making them seemingly impossible to overcome.
Tough Talks: We need to communicate challenges in a safe, supportive and confidential environment, to trusted individuals who have enough love for us to offer honest but wise advice – not just what we want to hear!
Expose and Tackle: By exposing our battles in an appropriate, solutions seeking way, we often discover that the ‘big bark’ comes from a little dog! Remember what’s common to humankind includes what we’re going through.
Who’s Got Your Back? No matter how shameful or big a personal struggle seems, isn’t it better to have someone in our corner who believes for and promotes the best in us? This requires letting down our defences and yes, risking hurt, but if we a willing to take this chance we can realise that there really is power in numbers.
Kids Count: Children are even more vulnerable and they often don’t have the language to articulate challenging personal issues. This usually manifests through their behaviour. How important is it to keep our communication lines to these little ones open – and our ears! (And if you’re anything like me, your ears need frequent tune ups!)
In each of our personal challenges, I think it’s important to remember that a war is seldom won in a day and it often involves some losses and retreats. A failure doesn’t mean that we are one! And isn’t it worth believing for positive outcomes for ourselves, even if they seem a long way off? I think so.
